Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize