i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
