One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
