I will die if light touches me.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
