the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
