I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
