who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
