Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
