That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He told me they were just razor bumps!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
