so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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