come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
