is your mom at the bar?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
