No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
