Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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