Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
