Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
