you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
