I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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