I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
