You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
