She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
