he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
