dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can I color on your dick again?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
