bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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