thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
