I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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