I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
