One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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