she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
