This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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