see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
