yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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