Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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