as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
