The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
