she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
