Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
