he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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