Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
