i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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