so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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