She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
