We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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