ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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