I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
