i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
