She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
