Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
