oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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