She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
