I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
