I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
