i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know her cup size but not her name....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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