yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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