Don't make out with my wife yet
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize