these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is the high leading the old right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
