I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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