And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
