my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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