Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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