and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize