ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
