...so i touched it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
