Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
