i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize