Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
