fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize